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June 29 Life Sucks Life Sucks
We're all trapped. Each of us is stuck being who we are. Sometimes we fight to change ourselves, but ultimately this has little effect. We can change what we do, but we cannot change who we are. If you're a happy person, you don't feel trapped. If you're surrounded by people who you love and who love you, if you can do what you want to do in life, if you are at peace with who you are, why would you ever feel trapped? You wouldn't want to change yourself, you wouldn't need to try. If you're a happy person, hey, you got lucky! Go back to the previous page, you'll find nothing of interest here. I am not a happy person. Maybe you're not either. Maybe you're too fat, or too thin, too old, or too young. Maybe you're ugly and nobody wants to sleep with you. Maybe everyone wants to sleep with you, but nobody loves you and it's all meaningless. Maybe your body is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. Maybe your mind is fucked up and you're in pain all the time. So you struggle with all these problems year after year, and you're getting nowhere, and you wonder if anything will ever change. And the unavoidable reality of it all is that, for you, life sucks. But of course you're not going to give up so easily, you're going to keep struggling to solve your problems, to change yourself, to find happiness, wherever it is, whatever it is. But still, life sucks. And you see all these people out there who are blissfully free of your problems, and if they can do it, there must be some way for you to as well. But they aren't doing you any good at all, they don't understand what it's like being you, and what good would it do you if they did understand? So, the forces which created you, random or otherwise, have spoken. And they've determined that, for you, life sucks. Click on the various links to the left to find out what else I have to say about this. The Big Lie
All of your life, you've been lied to. You've been told what life is supposed to be about. Grow up, do well in school, make friends, get a girlfriend or boyfriend, get a good job, get married, get a nice house and have kids. Watch tv, go to church, vote, find some hobbies to entertain you. Donate money to charity. Go on vacation. Get old, retire, spend time with the grandkids. Look back on your life with nostalgia, look forward to the afterlife of your choosing. This is what you're supposed to do, this is what normal people do. This is what everyone else is doing. Oh sure, there are a few aberrations here and there, sometimes some people slip off this track, but you can get back on at any time. Of course, when you actually look at the world around you, you may see something entirely different. See that young married couple living next door, with the wife gardening in the front yard while the kids play out back? She's snowed under with Xanax all the time, without which she'd be in a continuous state of anxiety. And her 6 year old son, he's following in mom's footsteps already, taking his daily dose of Ritalin to keep him tranquil enough to sit still all day at school. She stopped sleeping with her husband several years ago, but that's ok, cause he sneaks off a couple times a week and has sex with street prostitutes in the back seat of his car, or a nearby motel. He feels a bit bad for them, and tips them extra. His favorite prostitute is always glad to see him, because he's pleasant enough and an easy $75. Too bad they can't all be like him. She gets beaten up and raped by johns multiple times a year, but that's ok, she can handle it, cause even at its worst this job is still better than what she went through as a child. Besides, there's no other way she could support her crack cocaine habit. And the cop who tries to arrest her, last night he arrested the neighborhood marijuana dealer, then went home and got nice and legally drunk on jack daniels. And the cop's daughter, the pretty high school cheerleader, sneaks off and vomits after every meal so she won't get fat. But these are all small scale problems. Don't forget that, several times a century, often enough to happen at least once during the average human lifetime, all the most powerful nations of the world divide up into sides and begin slaughtering anyone they can find on he opposing side by the millions. This is agreed by all to be unfortunate but necessary. And the city you live in, if you're in a western country and living in a city, has already been targetted by some country's nuclear weaponry. A few pushes of the right buttons, and you'll be vaporized, or survive and live in some radioactive wasteland. But that's ok, because it probably won't happen in the immediate future, so you might as well go out and buy the week's groceries. Beneath the thin veneer of civilization lies a howling madness, and the average normal human being has the ability to commit genocide during the day, then come home and tuck the kids in at night, or to ignore the pain of a billion people in misery while mowing the lawn or doing christmas shopping. The Big Lie is that all of the problems of human life are separate. If you compartmentalize them all, you can convince yourself that once you lose that 40 pounds, or get more money, or get your husband to stop beating you, or finally kick that addiction, you'll be a normal happy person like everyone else. And once you get the right politician elected, or win the war, or convert the infidels to your religion, the world will be a happy place. The problems of life are all symptoms of the same cause. The locks on your doors which you need to keep out burglars, the schoolyard bully, the serial killer, the drug addict, the drug dealer, the billionaire who thinks he's being exploited by the poor, the millions of soldiers fighting for peace, the enslavement or slaughter of entire races of people, and your own unhappiness, all are interconnected. They are all part of one problem. I wish I could define the problem for you, or offer a solution. Human beings seem to have a basic design flaw. We're a fucked up species, striving to be healthy and happy while simultaneously destroying ourselves and each other in a million different ways. The only positive note I can end this on is that it's better to understand all this than to be ignorant of it, I think. God Does Not Love You
Let's assume, for a moment, that there is a God. We may not know the nature of God, or which religion comes closest to the truth, but we can be sure of one thing: God does not love you. Look at all the cruelty and misery in the world, which God does nothing to stop. Right now, as you are reading this, there are children in various places around the world being raped and tortured. Most of us would risk our lives, give up our lives, to save them if we could. God stands by and does nothing. God has abandoned these children, and clearly does not love them. God does not love you, either. There are some religions which claim that "God's love is a different kind of love", which is supposed to explain and justify what appears to be God's divine indifference. This is total bullshit. If I claim that I love my neighbor, and then set his house on fire and shoot him in the head, anyone can see that my "love" is not love at all. Another fallacy along these lines is the statement that, "God doesn't give us more than we can handle in life". This is a ridiculous statement. Go to a mental institution, go to the ward for those who are seriously disturbed, and you'll see people who just sit and rock back and forth all day, staring off into space, or screaming at nonexistant terrors. God has given them more than they could handle, and now they're totally broken. So you have no loving God watching over you, making sure you get what you need. You don't get what you need in life, you don't get what you want, you don't get what you deserve. You get what you get. People Are Stupid
If you ask people why they do the things they do in life, they will give you sensible sounding reasons which seem to explain their decisions. We like to believe that we exercise sound judgement, especially in the important decisions of our lives. I think that this is rarely true. I think that standard operating procedure for human decision making is to do what feels right to you at the time, and then to give logical sounding justifications for what you were already going to do anyway, whether you had justifications or not. So, if you are pregnant, and want to get an abortion, you will be able to give any number of reasonable sounding explanations why this is the right decision. You're not ready to be a parent, or you need to finish your education or get to a better point in your career, or you don't have enough money, etc. If instead you want to keep the baby, you will explain how even though you will have some extra difficulties due to the lack of money or whatever, you will certainly be up to the challenge to make your life work with the baby, how being a parent will be good for you, what a great parent you'll make, how it will bring you and the father closer together, and so on. In either case, none of these will be the real reason for your decision. The real reason for your decision will always be, "I did it because I wanted to do it". This method of decision making may have worked fine earlier in human history. However, in a highly complex technological society, the inevitable result of this is that people behave in extremely stupid ways. For example, the average American household now has $8000 in credit card debt, on which they pay an average of 19% interest. Is there any good reason to be running an $8000 debt? No. Did these people all run into major life crises which forced them to run up huge debts or else become homeless? No, they spent it on furniture, clothing, televisions, etc. Is it logical to spend $1500 a year in credit card interest? Clearly not. People do this because there isn't extra money in the bank, but there is something they want to buy, and the positive feeling they get fromthe idea of having this item is stronger than the negative feeling they get at the idea of their monthly payment going up by another $20. For example, marijuana is illegal in most of the world, while alcohol is legal, despite the fact that alcohol is a far more dangerous drug than marijuana in every way. People consider marijuana to be a dangerous drug, while they think of alcohol as being a fun beverage. They consider those who sell marijuana to be drug dealers, the scourge of society who should be hunted down and imprisoned, while those who sell alcohol (wine makers, grocery stores) are of course not placed in the same category. Logically speaking, it should be the other way around. Alcohol tends to make many people aggressive, leading to a variety of violent crimes, while marijuana does not. Alcohol is a central nervous system depressant, and leads to a serious loss of coordination and motor skills. At larger doses, alcohol renders one completely unconscious. Drunk drivers cause enormous numbers of automobile accidents and deaths. Marijuana is not a central nervous system depressant, and while one probably shouldn't drive while intoxicated on anything, it simply does not cause anywhere near the loss of motor control that alcohol does, and is only a fraction as dangerous as alcohol in terms of driving. And, a large enough dose of alcohol can and will kill you, while the same is not true of marijuana. But people are looking at this based on their feelings. Marijuana feels like a drug to them. It's illegal, isn't it? Alcohol feels like a fun beverage.It's legal, and socially acceptable, so it feels ok, so it must be ok. All of this is illogical and stupid, and typically human. And I could give countless other examples of this, but I'm sure you can think these up yourself. Just look at how people behave in terms of politics and religion. And, I think that when you see ridiculous and idiotic behavior and decision making in other people(or in yourself), you have to consider it to be the inevitable result of the nature of the human psyche. "The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity." - Voltaire 成人童话大片：当公主变成黄脸婆(组图)小时候我们不知听过多少遍这样的结局：“后来，王子和公主在一起过着幸福的生活……”不过，在一起就真的能幸福到永远了么？ 女摄影师Dina Goldstein从小就对这种童话不负责任的结尾怀疑不已。这位摄影师最近初为人母，生活中的各种现实问题促使她拍出了一组名为Fallen Princesses(堕落的公主)的摄影作品。 灰姑娘(Cinderella)： 踩着水晶鞋亲自去拦出租车 艳丽的唇膏蹭到了牙齿上 灰姑娘也有买醉的时候？不计形象地混迹在普通民众之间，像所有的醉鬼一样紧紧握住酒杯，看起来有点落魄，有点凄凉。 白雪公主(Snow White)： 白雪公主经历重重死亡考验，还是和王子终成眷属……之后呢？也免不了变成一个平凡主妇，生下一堆嗷嗷待哺的小孩，还要面对与老公之间的龃龉。出处：德国著名童话集《格林童话》。 莴苣公主(Rapunzel)： 美丽的姑娘被囚禁在高塔，只有用她那一头金灿灿的长发吊在卧室窗外，最终收获了情郎……可是人到中年的莴苣公主也不得不用假发来掩盖脱发的事实。出处：《格林童话》。 小红帽(Little Red Riding Hood)： 小红帽依然游荡在森林，只是篮子里盛的糕点变成了快餐食品，让小红帽吹气球一样变成了“大红帽”。出处：欧洲民间故事，查尔斯-佩罗收集出版。 睡美人(Sleeping Beauty)： 睡美人其实一直在沉睡，被搬到了王子的养老院与他生活了一辈子。出处：欧洲民间故事，查尔斯-佩罗收集出版。 茉莉公主(Jasmine)： 茉莉公主的家乡在中东地区，那里长年遭受战火侵蚀，连公主也不得不端起武器踏上战场。出处：迪斯尼动画《阿拉丁》。 贝拉(Bella)： 年老色衰的贝拉也无奈选择了整容手术来挽回青春。出处：迪斯尼动画《美女与野兽》。
（PS:没在这些命运不佳的公主们中找到ARIEL。不知道是被Dina Goldstein给忘了，还是在她变为泡沫500年后没有获得重生与灵魂，总之童话的现实版就是这样，美丽的童话最后都变成了笑话。。。如果把自己当公主，就注定无法接受日后镜中的黄脸婆。） June 11 (转)花$500,000去香港、外国念书，换来$18,000月薪，是否值得？前几天把香港大学学生发展及资源中心的报告转贴到校内网，提到2008年香港大学毕业生平均月薪约港币18,000元，引起很多同学的讨论；在准备出外念书时，你会考虑甚么？虽然未必会完全同意，但你有兴趣知道我的想法吗？ 由于我跟这个报告没有任何关系，我能说的是依据自己耳闻目睹的谈谈，代表性更低；市侩一点，先说钱吧！2009年金融海啸发生后，$18,000港元的月薪，如果是毕业成为中学教师的，数字仍是准确的；但同是文学院毕业生，如果要成为杂志或报纸记者的，入职月薪在$10,000以下并不罕见；医学院和法律学院毕业生的工资比较高，第一份工作由$20,000至$50,000都有，至于商学院的，大公司的Management Trainnee约由$12,000至$20,000之间，进入四大会计师楼的起薪点今年约$11,000（2003年非典肆虐，百业萧条，曾跌至不足$10,000），而我最好的几个学生，今年进入银行的（投资、Management Trainnee、Analyst都有），在港资银行的约有$21,000，也有美资银行约$32,000的（对！很费解，一面解雇员工，一面仍在招聘，我也不知为何？但他们招的都是成绩很不错，念书期间又能兼顾活动、internship、exchange，还有每天只须睡四小时的人），但同在商学院，可能每天上课坐在身旁、成绩差不多的同学，如果立志要在公共关系方面发展的，最初的工资就可能低至$6,000；在每天交通开支$40，一顿酒楼午饭又$80、一套象样的正装$1,000的香港，对大学毕业生而言，$6,000的确比较低……总之，随不同的专业和工种，工资相差很远……。 退一万步说，就算要比较，其实都不应只用第一份工作的第一个月的薪水作比较，例如一个中学教师，升科主任〔约$42,000〕「申请资格」是七年经验（但我也见过有十八年都未能升职的），而五年经验的中学教师，工资是$30,000以下，二十年经验，升任一级中学校长的，大约是$100,000以下（我们要留意，一家中学只有一位校长）；然而，我在四大会计师楼的学生，顺利在十八个月考取专业资格后，第五年当经理的工资可以是第一年的四倍，十至二十年后，成为合伙人、高级合伙人的年薪以数百万计（我认识一位毕业八年就成为四大会计师楼合伙人，那当然变成一时佳话）；九十年代愿意以低薪当记者、公关的，有几位现在是香港政府新聘任的副局长、政治助理，现在的月薪由$70,000至$120,000之间……以毕业后第一份工作第一个月的工资，决定是否值得花几十万到香港、外国念一个学位，这种计算方法是否完全正确？ 1988年，部份阅读本文的读者还未出生，香港科技大学此时还在起步阶段，今天的几家大学当时仍是「学院」，Vichy（即是我）在A-Level（类似内地高考）取得很不错的成绩，获得两个offers：１．香港大学文学院（我是铁了心要研究宦官史的），２．香港中文大学商学院（我是立志要赚大钱的），跟现在的年青人一样，我感到很烦恼，因为选了A，就代表要放弃B，很怕错，走不了回头路，结果我的选择是香港大学文学院，而讽刺的是我第一份工作却一般只聘商学院毕业生。我想我为了当年的选择，在赚钱方面作了一点牺牲，但路不能再走多一次，谁也不能告诉我究竟是失的多？还是得的多？我反而觉得选了，就應努力走下去，今天我的赚钱能力在同辈朋友中只能算是中等，但我走自己最感兴趣的路，做自己想做的事，未必能说有成就，但至今没有任何事发生，令我要为当年的选择而后悔。 大学生说：我感到前路茫茫，没有路向；其实今天板起脸教学生的我，二十年前又何曾找到人告诉我应走甚么路？然而，对年青人来说，路向不一定有，但志向不能缺！你期望十年、二十年、三十年后你是个怎样的人？你认为几十年后你是个怎样的人重要？还是毕业后第一份工作第一个月的薪水重要？ 说回正题：值得花几十万到香港或外地念书吗？我想在计划的时候，有很多地方要考虑！首先是前途，不能否认，社会风气所及，「前途」某程度上与「钱途」有关系，但请你再看看本文首两段提到的，就算你认为「钱途」最重要，都不一定会影响你出外与否的决定。 我真的不想说太多有关钱的事，因为在基本生活和适度享受以外，钱对生活的重要性，会与兴趣、健康、成就、社会责任、友情、亲情、爱情、国家发展愈来愈近。 我的学生Steven，来自上海，今年是他在香港大学法律学院第四年的生活了，这个帅哥住在St.John’s College，曾任辩论队队长，更是香港大学内地招学大使，他完全投入香港的生活，跟本地、外国学生交往完全没有问题，看来他来香港大学决定是对的。 内地来的Wendy，到某一家大学（不在薄扶林）念硕士，第一个月被住的地方、入学学籍、教师上课只说广东话等问题折腾得死去活来，我相信她为此一定曾哭肿了眼，然而一切安定下来后，她很快投入了生活，连生活节奏、作息时间也完全香港化，Wendy趁假期回内地老家小住一星期，结果竟然「水土不服」，大病一场（要吊点滴），一星期躺了五天床。 Wang从内地大城市到外国某一知名大学念书，他本以为两地相差不算太大，尚且比较容易适应，但性格较内向的Wang完全投入不了学校文化、同学上课的态度、教师的教法，甚至走在街上的交通、行人的节奏、饮食习惯、说英语的方法，他都无法妥协，但是他的父母日以繼夜地努力賺錢，省吃儉用，放棄很多可以享受生活的機会，挣钱供他到美国念书，他是没有退路的，结果在「捱时间」，现在还是每天在叹息中渡过。 在半年前的一篇文章里我提过，有人适合出外念书，有人适合留在内地念书，这不只是读书成绩、经济能力的问题，还有是性格、志向的问题，有时后二者跟前二者一樣重要。 有同学在信里说：美国是年青人的天堂！我建议大家不要只是听，有机会争取交流机会，去看去体会，终究出外与否，那是影响一生的大事，值得花钱、花时间去了解，而不是只听某一方的说法，包括我的说法（我认为我们的中国是年青创业家的天堂，十年内，在广告、电脑、资讯科技、地产几个专业里，一定会有蜚声国际的名字冒出来）。 另外还是路向的问题，十年后的今天，你会身在何方？如果认为自己终究都要回到祖国发展的，花几十万念书还是花时间努力争取交流机会，然后集中留在内地发展自己的人脉和事业更好？我想大家对海归派回国找不到工作的故事应该不会陌生。 香港和外国的月亮不是特别圆，但如果以开阔眼界为目的，我鼓励内地年青人出外多看，这跟我鼓励香港学生到内地学习交流，鼓励外国学生到内地念书是同一道理，我在上一篇文章谈武汉的生活里说过，就算是同在中国领土内，不同地方不同风俗文化，异乡客可以像去到火星一样，这种见识、见闻，英语叫「vision」，香港地区称为「视野」，一个具「国际视野」的年青人，跟一个学富五车的年青人一样有作为、有前途。 在性格、志向以外，我想年青人要注意的是父母师长的意见；师长对你的长处、短处有所掌握，能量体裁衣地提供意见；而当然更重要的是父母的意见，因为他们是你在世界上最需要交待的人，得不到父母的认同和支持，最起码是谅解，我不认为任何决定会是完全正确的。 俗气地谈过「钱途」，又说过像是「不吃人间烟火」的兴趣、志向，我清楚知道我的意见不一定是你同意的；然而你也得知道，用第一份工作第一个月的薪金衡量与自己往后二十年生活有关的决定……是我不同意的。 方向比努力重要，能力比知识重要，健康比成绩重要，生活比文凭重要，情商比智商重要。
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